Like Trying To Catch A Tsunami In A Sippy Cup.
I was going to attempt to talk about the Republican debate that was held last night wherein Texas Governor Rick Perry called the Social Security Program in this country a Ponzi scheme. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with what a Ponzi scheme is, it is NOT a plan hatched by Potsie and Fonzie for The Fonz to jump the shark on water skis in his signature leather jacket. I know, counterintuitive, right? No, a Ponzi scheme is defined as a fraudulent investment operation that pays returns to separate investors, not from any actual profit earned by the organization, but from their own money or money paid by subsequent investors. Think Bernie Madoff.) When I heard Perry say it, my mouth fell open and I thought, Oh, snap! He did NOT just say that. And yet, it’s true. But, my recap of the debate has to be pushed to the side for a moment because of what I saw today.
You may be wondering what could keep me from reflecting on such a hot button issue as the abolishment of our Social Security System. Well, I was watching Comedy Central’s Daily Show (because I love John Stewart and his writers) and saw a promo for an upcoming celebrity roast on September 19th. They are roasting Charlie Sheen. We’re going off the rails on this crazy train…or should I say “trainwreck” that I must watch. One of the promos announcing it is a parody from the movie Dr. Strangelove (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, circa 1964) wherein one of the bombardiers (Major Kong) rides a nuclear bomb cowboy-style all the way down as it’s dropped on the target from the belly of a plane. (I think the iconic scene is known as “Kong Rides the Bomb”—right film majors?) Instead of Kong, Charlie Sheen is mounted on the bomb as the bomber’s doors open. Classic.
Now, you may be wondering why I have chosen to amuse myself to death with something as frivolous as a roast of Charlie Sheen over trying to figure out a candidate who can address a decaying social system. The answer is as simple as one of the promos of Charlie’s roast: “It’s like trying to catch a tsunami in a sippy cup.” There is no amount of bailing that I can do with my sippy-cup-vote that will fix the problems we are facing in this country because I trust no politician—Republican or Democrat—to do it. We need brilliant thinkers, not people who look good in suits and can smile pretty for the cameras. So far, I am unimpressed and if last night’s debate is the bellwether, then we should have Seth MacFarlane host the next debate, at least then it will be entertaining.
I’m really not trying to be flippant about this. This is a plea to both parties: Give me someone I can vote for. (Preferably someone who doesn’t have the amazingly lame idea of creating a “JOBS MACHINE.”)
In the words of Charlie: “Good luck, mortals.”